Cas and the Ducks
by Seralina
Summary: Cas doesn't quite understand how to be human yet... but he's picking up certain things about comedy. Internet shopping. And how to annoy your family. A fluffy one-shot full of laughter, silliness, and those little plastic yellow bath ducks.


_**A/N:**_ _ **This is based on the comedy bit done by James Veitch, it's wonderful and makes me giggle every time. Then one day I thought….. That's Cas… and here we are. For this story Cas is fully human and recently fallen angel. He's still getting the grips of how to be a human. So… funny things ensue. Enjoy! (No copyright intended, the original idea totally belongs to James. He's hilarious, please check out his stuff on YouTube)**_

 **Cas and the Ducks**

In hindsight, Sam should have seen this coming. Should have known that Cas wouldn't have been as adorable and naive as he was when they first met him. That he wouldn't always be the stoic Angel of the Lord with a penchant for popping Dean's space bubble, making very long eye contact (Also with Dean), and never quite grasping the more indirect phrases and movements of human expression. But Castiel, the billions of years old Ex-Angel, was no idiot. And Sam really should have seen all of this coming sooner.

* * *

"Well, obviously you're gonna stay here, Cas."

"I am?"

"Duh. You're family. Why would you go anywhere else. You belong here." Cas looked stunned and humbled by Dean's words yet again he always thought he would have been set aside or sent off to be on his own if he was no longer useful to the Winchester's. Something warm and happy bubbled inside him knowing that wasn't true. If he was to have a place on this mortal plane, he wanted to be right by their side.

"Thank you Dean. I will make the arrangements." Dean and Sam both give him puzzled looks.

"What 'arrangements' Cas? We didn't think you owned enough things to warrant a moving fiasco?" Sam wondered, and Cas opened his mouth to rebuttal only realising a moment later that… the younger Winchester was indeed right. He didn't have any worldly possessions. No clothes. No hygiene products. No mementos, or things to induce nostalgia. Just millenia after millenia of memories that seemed somehow… less sharp with his now dulled human brain. Though… he supposed, in a way... Life and all its intricacies had never been clearer to him. Dean took his silence as an answer. They communicated that way sometimes. Dean knowing when to help fill in his blanks, and Cas knowing when to change the subject on Dean's behalf. Kinda like how Sam and Dean could have entire silent conversations with just facial expressions.

"C'mon Cas. Let's go get you set up." Dean stood, clapping him on the shoulder and headed off towards, what Cas assumed, was the bunker garage. So they could go to wherever this 'setting up' would happen. Cas followed after him and heard Sam's shoes scraping the ground behind him.

"But Dean, I don't want to go on a date right now." Dean made a snorting sound as Sam burst out laughing.

"He means, we're gonna go get you all the necessities." Sam clarified, coming up beside him and pulling on his coat. "Can't wear the same suit and tie everyday anymore." Sam smiled at him comfortingly and the ex-angel returned the sentiment. They opened the doors to the impala just as Dean was revving the engine.

"Get in, Bitches. We're going shopping!"

"Dean… did you just quote _Mean Girls_?"

"Shaddup, Sasquatch."

* * *

"So… this is where you can put your toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, y'know… whatever you use in the bathroom. Capiche?"

"Yes Dean I 'capiche'." Cas even used the finger quotes, then looked to Dean's eyes and tilted his head. "But would it not be simpler to put my shower things over here," Cas indicated toward the corner or the shower where there was a little shelf, "And my toothbrush here?" Then he indicates the little toothbrush stand where both Dean and Sam's toothbrush hang. Dean rolls his eyes and nods.

"Yeah, course you can… I mean that's logical, but you could also put y-"

"And I think I will keep the deodorizer in my room, so that I may put it on before I get dressed."

"Right." Dean drawls out, then claps his hands and rubs them together. "Well, that's settled then." He looks in Cas' direction for a moment and sees him intently watching him like he always does, and rolls his eyes away, catching them on the empty plastic basket that had started the whole conversation. Cas moves away to place the caramel and honey scented shampoo in the shower with the Oakwood conditioner and just as he finishes lining them up neatly Dean speaks. "So you're just gonna leave it empty then?" He brings one hand behind his head rubbing it awkwardly. Feeling stupid for assuming Cas would want to use the little handy toiletry basket like him and Sam did. He feels silly for buying an extra one. He just wants Cas to feel welcome. To really understand that he meant it when he said he belongs here too.

Castiel looks at the basket in ponderance, then a smile breaks out on his face and he thrusts his hand into the plastic bag from which he had just procured the hair washing bottles. Gripped between two fingers he pulls out a small yellow thing and places it in the basket. Then he smiles proudly at it and steps away.

"Cas. Is that a… bath duck?"

"Yes, it is Dean. I find it very cheery. Humans have such an endearing way of making simple things so… happy."

"You're human now too, remember?" Dean watches Cas flinch in remembrance. As if every breath and echo of his heartbeat wasn't reminder enough already.

It wasn't. In these small moments with Dean he seemed to forget the inner turmoil and shock of completely changing species.

"Of course." Then he nods at Dean. Dean nods back, looks to the duck, then back at Cas and shrugs.

"Why don't you help me make dinner?"

"That sounds… educational, Dean."

* * *

"This stuff is really important Cas. The internet is a basic utility. Just like electricity and running water. You've got to know how to navigate it with ease." Sam placates, trying to get the stubborn man to open his brand new laptop for the fifth time that week. Dean looks on in mild amusement from the other end of the library table, and decides to chime in anyway.

"Besides. You need to know this stuff if you're going to be hunting with us. You need to know how to find the information quickly and efficiently." Then Dean shrugs and watches Cas reluctantly concede as he sits to open the device. Sam sends Dean a silent thank you and Dean turns back to his own computer with a nod, leaving Sam to the teaching.

"How do you turn it on?" Sam scoots his chair over to Cas and begins tapping away. Showing Cas all the basics of his desktop. How to open up a web browser, how to effectively use a search engine, the importance of keywords, how to find multiple sources, and on and on until it becomes obvious to Sam than Cas is becoming bored and he should probably highlight some of the _better_ things about the internet. You know, the things that don't just involve working. Things like _YouTube_ , and how:

"Humans find felines endlessly entertaining, don't they?"

"Yes, we do."

"They are quite adorable." Cas admits, and Dean smiles at them over his computer.

Then Sam shows him _Amazon_. Now Cas is thoroughly intrigued which the brothers find slightly puzzling.

"You mean to tell me, that I can find something I desire on this website and have it sent to our home by _tomorrow_?" Dean and Sam lock eyes, confused, daring the other to ask.

"Yeah man, makes it easy sometimes." Sam nods and shrugs, Cas' eyes are still glued to the screen.

"Why does _that_ of all things fascinate you Cas?" Dean chirps in, and a blue gaze raises to meet him. A sad rumination crosses his face for a moment before it flits away.

"I suppose because… when I had my powers everything was so… instant. I wanted to be in Paris and," He snaps his fingers, "I was there. We needed something for a spell, and I was the 'errand boy'. I could even manifest things out of thin air if need be." Here Cas' gaze drifts to the side, but the brothers wait quietly for him to continue. They watch him search to gather the right words to explain how he feels. He does this every time he wants to conceptualize just what it's like to be _human_ after millenias of being _other._ "This life… it's all very… slow. I can't just 'zap' myself clean. Showering takes five minutes if you hurry, but half an hour if you want to enjoy it. You get hungry and it takes time to cook the food, let alone eat it. You need to relieve yourself and that also takes time. Sleeping is supposed to take up one third of your day." He pauses again, then looks right at Dean once more. "Time has never moved slower for me. I can feel every moment. So to find something that can bring even a small modicum of that… instantaneous world back into my life, I welcome it." His lips turn up slightly at the corner, as if he is content with all he has said. Dean smiles at him.

"Being happy with the simple things Cas. That's a good way to live." Sam agrees with a hum and Cas looks immensely pleased to have explained himself so efficiently. "Which reminds me." Interjects Dean again. "We need to keep up your movie regimen if we're ever going to get you caught up to _this_ century."

"I would like that Dean. But I want to spend some more time on the Amazon first."

"Sounds good to me." Then they all go back to their respective electronic corners, peering at glowing screens until an hour later when Dean declares he's ordering Chinese and putting on Die Hard because _It's almost Christmas time, afterall_.

* * *

It's about a month later when Dean walks in the bathroom and realizes the ducks have multiplied a ridiculous amount.

What was once one solitary duck in the small blue basket, became a half dozen. Dean hadn't questioned it, had only noticed in passing and by the time he had left the bathroom had forgotten to ask. Now there were about thirty, n o maybe forty ducks filling the container. They weren't spilling out, but instead had been perfectly balanced in a chaotic neutral state to _not_ fall out. _Okay, bit weird_ thought Dean, but it didn't really cross his mind past that. By the time he left the steam filled room the small pile of plastic yellow had once again slipped to the back of his mind.

Till he saw Cas, and just as he was about to open his mouth to ask Cas said-

"Will you show me that _Mean Girl_ movie Sam referenced the day we went shopping? I don't understand what shopping has to do with being mean or girls and I would like t-"

"Yeah sure Cas. But just… let's not tell Sammy, kay?" Just like that, all thought of ducks in the bathroom were replaced. They hid in Dean's room to watch the movie so Sam couldn't stumble upon them.

It was all for naught though when, just a week later, Cas noticed how poofy Sam's hair was first thing in the morning. Poor Sam spluttered cereal and milk everywhere when Cas asked.

"Is your hair so big because it's full of secrets?"

Dean swears that was the hardest he had ever laughed in his whole life.

* * *

It was during Charlie's first stay since Cas had fallen that the topic of the ducks was brought up again. During the past two months things had evolved… dramatically. What had started out as a simple _Dean, I need better ways to arrange the ducks so they won't fall everywhere,_ had turned into, _I saw this symbol online and thought it was interesting configuration for my ducks._ So of course, it wasn't even that much of a surprise when Charlie knocked on his bedroom door and shortly after shutting it asked:

"What's up with the ducks?" Dean glanced up, from his book, confused for a mere second before understanding passed over him. Then he shrugged.

"'Dunno, Cas just likes 'em. And I don't mind 'em."

"Have you actually asked him?" Charlie wondered, a simple hand flopping to the side to accompany her question. Dean gave her an incredulous look.

"No, why would I?" He drawled out. Charlie sighed, then a mischievous glint passed in her eye. Dean sat up a little straighter and wagged a finger at her. "Don't give him any ideas." Charlie just rolled her eyes.

"We still watching Titanic tonight? Cas has been bugging me ever since I mentioned the whole 'steamed car sex' thing." Dean's cheeks immediately went crimson at the reminder. Cas had been bugging _him_ about that as well. Damn Charlie for ever directing that at the two of them. Sam was never gonna let him live it down.

"Okay, well, at least I would have shared the door with my man. That thing was totally big enough." Charlie smirked at him and walked back to the door.

"So… did you just admit that Cas is the Jack to your Rose?" Charlie taunted him, as another red wave spread across Dean's cheeks.

"Okay you're getting payback for that one, kid!" Dean tossed his laptop to the side and jumped up to pursue Charlie who was squealing with laughter from down the bunker corridor.

It was a quick chase that ended with Charlie getting a serious nougie on the couch in the media room.

They still watched Titanic though.

* * *

"Dean, you need to talk to Cas about this."

"About _what_ Sam."

"About the ducks." Dean rolled his eyes and gestured for Sam to go on. "The chase scene ducks, the wedding ducks, even the _halloween ghost ducks_. Those were all pretty funny, I have to admit." Dean did chuckle at this. Cas had gotten pretty creative with his little yellow friends over the past few weeks. The 'Halloween Ducks' had been covered in pieces of toilet paper with tiny rips for eyes holes that had made Dean laugh even harder when he realised the tipped over duck near the ghost ducks had been 'scared to death'. An idiom which he had only explained to Cas the day before.

"Don't forget the _Titantic_ ducks, man. Classic." Sam rolled his eyes so hard Dean thought they might get stuck.

"How could I forget! He used my favorite… lotion as the raft for Jack and Rose duck. It got so much water in it, I couldn't use it anymore."

"I thought you said it was your favorite Lush hair mask in there."

"Not the point Dean." Sam said harshly, obviously trying to change the subject. Dean laughed quietly but gestured for Sam to go on. "Right now, in our bathtub there is about _a hundred_ plastic ducks coming from the drain."

"You're exaggerating Sam."

"I am not! Go look! I thought there was a person just _lying_ in there at first. But _no_. It was _DUCKS!_ " At this point Dean has started laughing so much that Sam couldn't do anything but puff out a frustrated breath and wait for Dean to chill out. Finally Dean had calmed enough to listen, his cheeks were pink and his green eyes were still glinting with mirth. "Where does he even get these ideas, Dean?" Dean just shrugged and thought back to the past few days.

"Well… there is that bathroom scene in _The Nightmare on Elm Street_." Sam gives Dean the most incredulous bitch face.

"You mean the one where Freddy Krueger's hand like… comes out of the drain?"

"Yeah, he probably got it from there." Dean just shrugs again, and goes back to the task at hand, preparing meat for some awesome homemade burgers he's planned for dinner tonight.

"Dean, don't you think this is getting out of hand?" Sam asks exasperatedly, and Dean sighs. More fed up with his brother's complaining than Cas' weird duck obsession.

"No man, I think you need to get a sense of humor."

"Jerk."

"Bitch." Sam says before grumpily sitting at the table.

Meanwhile, Cas quickly walks from war room through the library and down the hall to his bedroom precariously gripping a large clear bag filled with yellow plastic. The shipping label reads, **Bulk Order: Express Shipping.**

* * *

A knock sounds on Cas' door.

"Come in, Dean." The door creaks open and Dean ducks his head in to find his angel sketching away at the desk.

"How did you know it was me?" Confusion colors his green eyes which makes Cas smile slightly.

"You and Sam knock differently." Dean purses his lips at that as if thinking it over momentarily, then he shakes it off, clearly remembering why he came in.

"Hey, I caught wind of a potential case a couple towns over. Wanna go check it out with me?"

"Of course." Cas sets his drawing pencil neatly back in its case and stands to follow Dean. "Is Sam coming?"

"Nah. He went out last night and is pretty hung over."

"That is unlike Sam." Cas said in a puzzled tone as he pulled on his jacket while Dean slipped on his shoes and headed to the garage.

"I may have implied that he needed to loosen up a little." Dean responds as they climb the stairs and walk to their respective sides of the Impala.

"Why would you say that?" Dean looks up at Cas over the roof of the Impala and just shrugs.

"Cause he does." Cas doesn't respond and gets in the car.

A few minutes later into the drive Dean speaks again.

"By the way he's probably not gonna be too happy with the… attendance of the Duck coronation."

"Why do you think that?" Cas turns to Dean and tilts his head slightly. Dean blushes and fidgets for a moment before admitting.

"Look, I don't care what your reasoning is for them. I think they're hilarious. Really." Here he gives Cas a bright smile that seems to make Cas' blue eyes look happier than Dean has ever seen him in the daylight outside the bunker. "But Sam's a pretty crabby kid when he's hungover… and I don't think he's gonna be too happy about the delay between him and his shower."

"I see." says Cas, then he turns back to stare out the window. It's silent for a few more minutes before Dean pipes up again.

"But, I gotta ask Cas… where did you find that big of a plastic duck that looks like a King?" Dean glanced at Cas and the mischievous look in his eye makes him laugh. This was a ridiculous conversation, Cas laughed too, loud and long. Dean finally understood why Cas was messing with the ducks. He was honestly surprised he didn't get it sooner.

"Amazon." Cas finally replied, then they laughed some more. An hour later they stopped for burgers, both feeling that they had never been this content in their whole lives.

* * *

Just as Cas was finishing his last fry, his phone beeped with his signature text message sound. Dean raised an eyebrow as Cas pulled out the device and checked the notification.

"It's Sam." Cas answered without prompting. Dean nodded then excused himself to the bathroom, saying they would be leaving when he got back. Cas pulled up the text and burst out laughing for what felt like the tenth time that day.

 _ **SAM: Cas, We need to talk about the ducks.**_

 _ **CAS: the ducks?**_

 _ **SAM: The bathroom ducks.**_

Cas couldn't help himself, he giggled as he typed the next message. Picturing Sam's face going red. He honestly wondered how much longer it would take Sam to realise he was just messing with him.

 _ **CAS: the bathroom ducks?**_

 _ **SAM: Yes. The ducks IN the bathroom.**_

 _ **CAS: Oh, those ducks. What about them?**_

 _ **SAM: Please stop.**_

 _ **SAM: I needed a shower badly this morning, but I couldn't shower until I'd moved like a hundred tiny ducks.**_

 _ **CAS: I apologize Sam. From now on there will be no more tiny ducks. You have my word.**_  
Dean returned from the bathroom just then, wiping his hands on his pants and then pulling a wad of bills out of his pocket for the check. Then he noticed Cas still smiling.

"What now?" He asked, Cas just shook his head and passed Dean the phone. Dean burst out laughing again as he scrolled down the conversation. But then pouted slightly at the end. "So no more ducks?"

"Guess not." Cas said with a dramatic sigh that had Dean chuckling again. Especially when he caught that certain look in his eye. Dean played along though.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted." He commented as they slipped out the door. It dinged behind them as they trotted to the Impala. The creases near their green and blue eyes respectively, daring to become permanent.

* * *

Sam heard a crash in the bathroom and jumped up from his perch in the library to investigate. His hand went to his gun, unholstering it and flipping off the safety, years of instincts flying to the forefront of his mind. He got to the bathroom quickly and nudged the partially open door with his elbow. He raised his gun partway, but then lowered it when he realised it was just Dean. Rolling on the floor of the bathroom. And laughing.

"What the hell Dean! You scared the shit outta me!" Sam complained, tucking his gun back in his waistband. Dean didn't answer. He was making this dry wheezing sound in between actual laughs and his face was bright red. Dean opened his eyes to take in Sam's aghast face and only laughed harder, water leaking out of his eyes. Sam grew annoyed. "Dude, what is it!" Dean released one of his hands from holding his stomach to point in the corner where the toilet was. Sam turned and there… was the most ridiculous and annoying sight.

One, giant yellow duck, was stuck inside the toilet seat protruding up at him with it's bright happy face. The thing was bigger than a cat. Bigger than two cats. Sam couldn't even believe the sheer size of the thing and wondered where the _hell_ Cas had even found it.

"Ah, ah. Shit." Dean said in between laughs. "I'm bleeding." Sam turned back to him and sure enough, the big idiot must have smacked his elbow when he fell over. Sam went to the closet to pull out the band-aid box… where upon ANOTHER large yellow duck fell off one of the shelves inside and hit the floor with a smack. Dean laugher began another verse behind Sam, while Sam huffed out an angry breath and threw the box of band-aids at Dean. Which Dean _also_ found funny.

"I thought he said he was gonna knock it off." Dean's giggles petered down enough to get out a few words.

"Only TINY ducks." Then Dean laughed even more as he grabbed a band-aid and applied it to his elbow. It was just a bit of a scratch. He had way worse. He wished all his injuries were caused by laughing his ass off.

"What do you mean?" Sam rolled his eyes and realised with utter disappointment that there was _another fucking duck_ perched on the ceiling fan. _He was gonna kill Cas, for good this time._ The slowly rotating duck mocked him, knowing his threats were empty.

"He only promised to stop using TINY ducks. Man, you're an idiot." Dean couldn't stop laughing, Sam's facial expressions were priceless and he just couldn't wait to recount this all to Cas and laugh about it all over again. This was gonna go down in history. The bathroom door slammed signaling Sam's departure, but Sam could still hear the final bits of Dean's laughter in his wake.

Sam snatched up his phone and quickly typed out a quick message to Cas. Not bothering to go and find him in the bunker.

 _ **SAM: Do you think what you're doing is funny?**_

 _ **CAS: ….a bit.**_

 _ **SAM: I am going out to run some errands, by the time I get back I want ALL DUCKS GONE.**_

 _ **CAS: ): Can I have one duck in the bathroom?**_

 _ **SAM: ONE.**_

 _ **CAS: (:**_

* * *

Dean heard the bunker door open and close, knowing it had to be Cas since Sam had only been gone an hour and he had made it VERY clear he wasn't going to be back until later. Dean walked out to greet Cas and as soon as they saw each other, idiotic grins split both their faces.

"Honey, I'm home." Cas called jokingly, but he saw Dean's cheeks pinken just slightly.

"You shoulda seen him man." Dean chuckled.

"Will you tell me about it?" Cas asked, elbowing Dean in good jest. Dean had to marvel over how far they had come in the past year. All the social nuances that had once seemed like a foreign language to him, now he used when they suited him. He understood so many metaphors and a good chunk of slang. Dean was proud of him, mainly because he seemed so happy. Even if sometimes he did stand a little too close to Dean still. Dean found he really didn't mind anymore.

"Yeah, course buddy." Dean clapped him on the shoulder, and guided him further into the bunker and slid his arm around his shoulders. "But you gotta let me know, what the next stage of this plan is? You gonna take it any further?"

"Sam has allowed me to keep only one duck." Then Cas turned and winked at him, which made Dean burst out into boisterous laughter once again. In that moment he loved Cas.

* * *

"CASTIEL YOU WINGED DICK!" Roared Sam's voice from down the corridor. Cas shushed Dean who was struggling to contain his laughter. They were hiding in the closet.

"If he finds us, he'll _kill_ us." Cas threatened and bumped his shoulder into Dean's from where they sat side by side on the floor. To Cas' other side was the air pump they had just finished using when they heard the bunker door's tell tale creaking and groaning.

"I can't help it! We just inflated a _ten foot tall DUCK_ in our bathroom! It takes up the whole damn thing! This is the best prank EVER!" Then Dean snickered some more, and Cas shushed him again, pressing a finger to his lips.

"Technically, he shouldn't be mad. It is only _one_ duck. He said I was allowed that." Cas stated this so matter of factly that Dean burst out into more barely contained chuckles and after a moment Cas joined him. Dean turned to look at him with adoring eyes still crinkled with mirth. He was pretty sure he had never been happier.

"You're crazy, you know that?" Dean bumped their knees together which Cas smiled at before turned to give Dean a very serious look.

"Quackers." He deadpanned. Then Dean couldn't hold back anymore. He was laughing so hard his cheeks ached from smiling. Dean seriously hoped the rest of his life was spent this way. Always one-upping his own happiness. Cas wasn't surprised when Dean kissed him. It felt like an extension of all this happiness, like there was no better way to celebrate it.

Sam opened the door a moment later, surprising them both but neither bothered to untangle themself from the other. Sam's anger deflated at the sight of them, sizzling down to a mild annoyance.

"You guys are the worst." Then he shut the door on them and went to his own room, a small smile shaping his lips. Not bothering to wonder when or _if_ they came out. He _really_ didn't want to know. Just before he shut his own door, he called out, "AND DEFLATE THAT DAMN DUCK!" The soft trail of their laughter made him chuckle. Now it was time to plot revenge.

 _ **A/N cont:**_ _ **Thanks for reading! Please review if you liked this and would like to see more stuff like this in the future!**_ _ ****_

 _ **Also, if you're in the giving mood I'm apart of this really awesome group of writers and artists who are raising money for Random Acts! Have you ever wanted to request your favorite author write something for you? Or your favorite artist to draw you favorite character in just the right way? Well now you can have that! Please check out**_  
fic-facers/  
 _ **That's right you get to give back AS WELL AS get a really cool piece! What a holiday miracle! Some bids start as low as 10$ (mine starts at 14$ since we're on season 14. lol) So come on guys! It's a perfect time to give back, and maybe even gift a loved one a story. That's double the feel good!**_  
 _ **If you feel so inclined, we would all welcome your support. Also, if you want to be apart of the next Fic Facer$ auction let me know and I will point you in the right direction.**_  
 _ **Until next time my loves!**_  
 _ **-Seralina**_


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